It’s no secret that fear of intimacy is mostly a men's issue.
Deep emotional intimacy and being able to apply advanced relationship principles is about sharing openly what you really think, believe, and feel with the woman you love. It's about opening up your heart and mind with her. It’s about being yourself and revealing the true you to your partner.
When you fear intimacy you have a guarded behavior that sabotages your relationships.
You might not realize, but the fear of intimacy in results in loneliness - both for you and for your partner.
As anyone who've experienced loneliness will tell you, being alone in a relationship is much more painful than being alone as a single person or a widower.
Where is this fear of opening up coming from?
To a great extent, you might be hesitant to reveal your true self because you've been hurt in the past.
Hurt, you ask?
Yes, emotionally hurt. Believe it or not, fear of intimacy comes from having been judged, rejected, betrayed, criticized, or emotionally abandoned during childhood by your parents or others closest to you.
Moreover, if you have received love and attention conditioned on your behavior, then fear, guilt, and shame caused you to close down to those around you.
These negative feelings, which you pushed down and put a lid on as a child to protect yourself, now play out - making you afraid (unconsciously) to get hurt again.
As a result, you may have a hard time opening up and may experience a strong fear of intimacy with the woman you love.
And there’s more.
If during your early years you’ve been taught that keeping up appearances and worrying about "what others might think" was more important than your own feelings, then 'wearing masks', 'playing games' and keeping secrets might have become second nature.
These might have become your habitual way of relating to others, which not only hurts them deeply, but continually erode their trust in you.
...the ego’s automatic defense system that wants to protect you from being abandoned, betrayed, or rejected the way you've once been.
But as long as you are now reacting (unconsciously) from your childhood emotional wounds, you keep repeating the same old patterns. Hiding behind emotional walls as an adult, keeps setting yourself up to be abandoned, betrayed or rejected all over again.
So instead of hiding behind a wall of emotional numbness, step out and reveal yourself to your partner! Yes, you'll feel vulnerable and afraid at first, but there's no getting around that if you want to experience a blissful relationship.
...can improve significantly all your relationships and bring much more meaning to your life. But how do you actually do it?
Try this simple, but effective approach:
And there’s another way:
...by allowing yourself to feel vulnerable enough to talk with the woman you love about what's going on in your life and how you really feel about it.
Open your heart with her and practice self-disclosure on a regular basis. Use practical questions for couples to help you reveal what’s important to you in a natural, pressure-free way.
What's in it for you? You'll deepen her trust in you, which will increase your physical intimacy beyond what you've ever experienced before.
Sharing your discomforts and worries with your sweetheart makes the negative feelings dissipate and your fear of intimacy gradually disappear.
Barbara De Angelis, the 'relationships guru', has written a brilliant and hopeful book on this subject: "How Did I Get Here?". As Deepak Chopra puts it: "this book is essential reading for anyone on a path to truth. Reading it will inspire you, heal you and awaken you."
Whether you've read all the self-help classics, or have never read one, do not miss this illuminating book!
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"Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed."